Its been a while

Please forgive me as this may ramble. I’ve started my new job and am enjoying it. It’s truly putting me to the test mentally. I keep being told I am doing an good job. There are times I feel that. Most of the time I feel like I will never get it. I’m starting to stress about my schedule because I need to know what it will be so I can plan for the horse shows. They start in March. I don’t want to let my boss down or any of the people I work with. They understand I have a new job and my schedule will conflict with the shows at times. I just hate being the person who knocks over the tea cup. I am so tired. I know its from learning everything that I am and adjusting to my new schedule. Some how I manage to do that. What I believe though to be the truth is that I disappointment myself more than I do others. I let my procrastination get in the way of getting things done and accomplished. I come up with excuses as to why I shouldn’t do something or why I can put it off. I cause my own unhappiness, my own stress, my own anxiety. I am my own worst enemy. The question is why. Why do I allow myself to do this to myself? Why do I allow the negative talk? Why do I abuse myself? I should love myself. I should believe in myself. I should praise myself. I should talk with a positive tone to myself. I should love myself more than anything. I should, I should, I should…..I think I can….I know I can…I will! Much love to all! Remember love yourself! The Royal Purple Queen!!

Published by Candyce

I am a mid 40 year old woman who has dealt with depression and anxiety most of her life. I am married and the only baby I have is a 6 year old rottweiler fur baby. I have been a volunteer EMT/FF for 24 years.

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